Follow the Money

Can you tell by this quote I’m a bit pompous today????!!!!!

“Don’t tell me where your priorities are. Show me where you spend your money and I’ll tell you what they are.” ~ James W. Frick

The Feng Shui of Master Bedrooms

Here is an article I wrote for Balance Magazine (unfortunately out of business) several years ago.

Create Space with Feng Shui, One Couple’s Bedroom Makeover

By Catherine Hilker

*Article in the January, 2003 Issue of Balance Magazine

“A tranquil retreat that is warm and cozy, a space that promotes deep, restful sleep.” These were the objectives for a master bedroom redo as requested by my clients, Carol & Charles. Carol & Charles are like many families today. They have busy, hectic schedules as mandated by their careers; elementary school aged children, their families and other community related activities. They are a family of integrity and honor their commitments, schedules and obligations made with others. Because of this, they especially needed a sanctuary to “sink” into at the end of a stressful day. What better way to start off the New Year than by retiring to a cozy, sensual retreat each evening together? …A sanctuary that honors their deep commitment to each other, a refuge to escape the stress of daily living, and a space that nourishes and replenishes their bodies while they sleep.

Unfortunately, many Americans recreate their hectic lives in their bedrooms. You often find commanding television sets that impede intimacy, computers that bid you to work long hours, exercise equipment that nags you to use it and stacks of books they say “when are you going to read me.” It is no wonder, 33% of Americans are sleep deprived.  (As defined by 61/2 hours or less sleep each night by the National Sleep Foundation.) Sleep deprivation causes a myriad of problems. Some of the problems are fluctuations in blood sugar levels, reduction in brain function, and the reduced ability for the body to fight infection and disease. According to the online ABC news reports, lack of sleep is also detrimental to our sex lives.

Fortunately, there are simple solutions to these problems. Feng Shui has helped many of my clients sleep better and helped create sensual master bedrooms that promote deep connection and intimacy with their partners. Sleeping better and deep connections with partners are key to leading healthy, holistic lives. Our bedrooms are vitally important in this process.

So, what is Feng Shui? Simply stated it is the study of an environment that enhances the quality of life. It is an art, a science, and spiritual in nature. It is the process of surrounding yourself with inspirational and uplifting symbols, art, color, furniture, and objects. It is understanding that everything around you is alive, connected and always changing. Your beloved antique is alive with the memories of your dear grandmother. Your wedding ring is alive with the love of your partner. The choices you make, whether positive or negative, have ripple effects on those around you. The choices can be small or large, but impactful just the same. Change is constant. So it makes sense our environment should change along with us. No longer need a guest room? Then turn it into a personal retreat. Never use the dining room? Then turn it into a home office. That is why continually taking inventory of your belongings and purging on a regular basis is important. Why clutter up our lives with things that don’t work, or things we’ve outgrown or stopped using?

Comfort and safety are inherently important. Try being happy and healthy when you spend 8 hours a day in an uncomfortable chair or spend a third of your day in an uncomfortable bed. How safe do you feel pulling up to a dark house inside and out? Have you ever noticed how it feels to have your back to something? Typically, it’s uncomfortable because it puts you in a vulnerable position.

Let’s look at specific Feng Shui practices as applied in a maser bedroom environment. “Sensual Serenity” are the words used by Terah Kathryn Collins, co-founder of the Western School of Feng Shui, in her book, The Western Guide to Feng Shui, Room by Room, to describe the nature of well designed bedrooms. Creating bedrooms that sooth, appeal to our senses, and support us on all levels is key.

Safety is important in our bedrooms. Watch for heavy objects hung over the bed because we’ll likely feel anxious that we’ll get clobbered during the night. Instead, hang lightweight décor overhead. Furniture with sharp, pointed corners, and protruding hardware are dangerous and create injuries especially when we are in a sleepy state. Soften them with draped fabrics, plants or angled out of pathways. Beds placed in the direct path of doorways can be unsettling. Placement of beds where there is no clear view of the door leaves you feeling vulnerable. Keep pathways clear of clutter and storage items to prevent serious injury from falls.

Insuring our sleep quarters are comfortable makes sense when you consider the amount of time spent in them. First, the highest quality you can afford for the mattress is paramount. It is very difficult to sleep well in an uncomfortable bed. Next, use blankets, sheets and pillow covers that feel delicious next to your skin. Imagine the sensual welcome every night when you crawl into bed. Select high quality pillows that match your sleeping style since they are different for stomach, back or side positions. Reading lights should be functional yet easy on the eyes.

Create a sensual delight in the bedroom with colors, textures, pleasing scents and soothing sounds. Soft textures like cotton, silk, satin and chenille encourage intimacy. Flowers, oils and candles enhance romance. Select art that depicts lovers or reminders of romantic getaways. Choose a mutually inspirational piece of art or object to greet you every morning to start your day. Warm tones for the walls and décor, and soft, diffused lighting also encourage intimacy.

Produce a sense of peacefulness. Many bedrooms I see are the antithesis of calm. Rooms that are crowded with too much furniture, large mirrors, televisions, computers, telephones and exercise equipment make it difficult to rest and relax. Keep only the bare essentials for furnishings as it literally provides more room to breathe. If moving electronics and exercise equipment to other parts of the dwelling is not an option, then use your creativity to “put them to bed” at night. Use screens, covers, cabinets or beautiful soft fabrics to conceal these items. Add sounds and visuals that enhance the feeling of calm. Play with what works for you.

Be conscientious of the state of your dresser drawers, cabinets, closets and storage. Being organized is essential to starting your day off right. Even if your room is neat & tidy, the chaos behind closed doors and in other areas of the room, “speaks” to you. Often what you “hear” is very draining. Dressing each morning from a closet that is chaotic, affirms your “life” is chaotic. Searching through unorganized drawers and cabinets is frustrating and time consuming. If your intimate space is also visually disorganized, you have a constant reminder to “do something.” It requires a lot of energy to suppress the nagging reminders to “do something.” Any amount of being disorganized is the opposite of serene.

Equality is key in a master bedroom space. Each partner should share the same or similar view from the bed. For example, does one partner wake up to a view of the toilet each day and the other to beautiful plants? A simple solution to this dilemma is paint some “plants” on the back of the bathroom door and keep the door shut while you sleep. Choose nightstands that are matching or similar in size. Allot space on each side of the bed no matter how small it might be.

To summarize, focus on serenity, sensuality, comfort, safety and equality. With that in mind, let’s turn our attention to Carol & Charles’ master bedroom.

My first impression of their space was the opposite of serene. Their room was home to an abundance of yang* elements. The yang elements included hard angles of the room’s architecture and furniture, the stimulating nature of three large mirrors, an abundance of electronic equipment that included two large alarm clocks, a stereo system, a television, a vcr and telephone. The off-white walls and trim, the off-white metal mini-blinds and the contemporary brass lighting over the headboard also added more yang elements to the room. When an extreme amount of yang elements exist in a space, especially mirrors, sleep disorders are common. Also, a television’s commanding presence coupled with too many yang elements, are not conducive to intimacy and connection with one another.

More yin* elements were required to balance the stimulating nature of their room. Softening the room was important. This was accomplished in a number of ways. Curtains were added to soften the blinds. Two of the three large mirrors were removed. The television was housed in an armoire. The room was painted a warm, soft gold. Carol made a lush, ornate duvet cover. She used opulent fabrics in rich tones and textures. My clients also added a soothing fountain that they owned but had never used. Making these changes balanced the room’s yin and yang qualities.

Next, my clients decided to purchase bedroom furniture. The purchase included a substantial supportive bed frame with headboards and footboards (great for feeling supported all night long), matching nightstands, an armoire, and a single chest. This purchase was important for two reasons. One, the old furniture in the room was not cohesive and unified. Each person brought pieces from their former lives. Carol had a triple dresser and a vanity of different styles and colors. Charles had two “antique” dressers that didn’t match. Also, Charles had a nightstand next to the bed and Carol a bookcase. The room felt disjointed. The new furniture pulled the whole room together and created cohesion. The purchase also gave equal weight to each partner’s side of the bed.

The second important reason for purchasing the furniture is that it required Carol and Charles to do a major purge and required them to organize. It also committed them to downsizing and simplifying. The new furniture created a more spacious feel to the room. The old furniture was larger and contained more individual pieces. Reducing the amount of furniture was a component of making the space more tranquil (less is more), but the purging and organizing was also a large factor. An organized space radiates calm even if you don’t see it. Every drawer, shelf, surface and the closet was reviewed. Any item that did not functionally belong was relocated to it’s proper home. For example, the extensions for the dining room table that were stored in the closet were moved to a more appropriate area of the home. Laundry baskets, sewing projects and excess books were also moved. In fact, Carol noted that 25% of the items stored in the bedroom belonged somewhere else in the house. It is important to store items in relation to their function. This way you’ll not spend a lot of time trying to find something or deciding where to store it.

A side benefit of the purge was Carol discovered some old cherished letters written to her by her husband. She spent some time reading all of them and recapturing magical moments they shared together. What a great way to “initiate” the new space and what a delightful way to spend an afternoon.

Having less furniture meant my clients needed to devise creative ways to store their belongings. For example, they found by rolling their clothes, they were able to store more clothes in their dresser drawers. Using drawer organizers for jewelry and makeup cleared the clutter from the dresser surfaces. The organizers in the closet helped make room for Carol’s clothing which were previously stored in another room. Integrating Carol’s clothes into the master bedroom closet was important to both parties. By doing so it added a further element of cohesion and a statement that “we are a team.”

The final step was to create a sensual and romantic aura for the room. They now awake to a painting of Catalina Island, which is where they were married in a very private and personal ceremony. Every morning they start the day with a romantic reminder of their wedding ceremony and honeymoon. The color for the walls and the colors and textures of the duvet cover were selected to be sensual as well as inviting and warm. Art depicting couples from other areas of the home were placed in the bedroom. Carol added a “pair” of candles to the dresser, and incorporated a “pair” of birds on the duvet cover. She also put heart-shaped potpourri in many of the dressers drawers.

Once all the steps were done, the transformation was remarkable. Carol and Charles did indeed create a tranquil retreat that was warm and elegant. They created a space that provided a refuge from their busy lives. All this was accomplished by using a practical, common sense approach and Feng Shui techniques. Yin elements were added to balance the abundance of yang qualities. Rich, warm colors were used for the walls and trim. The duvet was made with beautiful, luxurious fabrics. The new paint color and duvet added provided an inviting and intimate feeling. The new furniture created a visual sense of togetherness. They share the same view from the bed, which is a painting reminding them of their wedding. The fountain provides a soothing sound and ambience to the room. By addressing clutter and purging, they added calm.

Carol & Charles willingness to make an investment in their relationship was reflected in their desire to completely redo their master bedroom and purchase new furniture. They were willing to scale back and purge. Purging required each to let go and move on, which was a difficult process for them. Purging and removing clutter also necessitated a change in lifestyle, also a difficult thing to do. Serene, sensual, comfortable, balanced and cohesive was the end result. They created a sanctuary for themselves by being willing to embrace change and deepen their connection to each other. What a wonderful way to begin the New Year. (Note this was a January/February issue of the magazine.)

I’d like to close with a beautiful quote about the importance of investing in our personal spaces to enhance all aspects of our lives. May you experience daily blessings.

“Sanctuary is a gift to yourself. If you identify a certain space in your home as a sanctuary you are investing in your soul. But sanctuary may also be your gift to friends or other family members. Steward your setting with devotion. You will find the more it is used the more a type of peaceful energy and spirit will dwell within it. As such, sanctuary will become an integral part of your daily life, and your need for sanctuary will be respected by all.” Christopher Forrest McDowell

*The most comfortable rooms have balanced yin and yang elements. Yang qualities are described as masculine, active, bright, hot, hard, dry, plain, large, geometric, shiny, etc. Yin qualities are the opposite and are described as feminine, quiet, dark, cool, soft, wet, ornate, small, floral, muted, etc.

The Importance of Laughing No. 2

How can you not be in a good mood after watching this???

What’s Important to You?

About three years ago,  I hosted a book group that studied Marshall Rosenberg’s “NonViolent Communication.” I found it to be such a valuable book, I’ve taken many coaching clients through the process outlined in it.  One of the first things you are asked to do is understand your value system and be clear about your needs.  When doing so, you are clearer about how to communicate with others not only to have your needs met, but also to take full responsibility for your feelings and actions.

Having been through the book more times than I can count, I’ve had the good fortune to really understand what’s important to me.  By knowing what’s important to me, I am clearer about my needs.  By being clearer about my needs, I am better able to meet them.  And when my needs are met, I am happy and content.  Here are some things I know about myself:

• I value intimate relationships with others so I need to feel an emotional connection with them.  Without a deep connection, I’m unfulfilled.
• I value learning  and trying new things so I need to have lots of variety in my life.  Variety, variety, variety is super important to me.
• I value peace and calm so I need to cultivate behaviors that create peace and calm in my life, like disconnecting from relationships filled with drama.
• I value time to myself so I need to give myself space.  Without having time to myself, I get burned out and overstimulated.

I could list many more things I discovered about myself….you get the picture.  Investing in yourself in this way will dramactically improve the quality of your life.  And don’t take my word for it….try it!!

Get Out Your Dancing Shoes

Dancing is great fun and good exercise, hence, good for the heart and soul!

Perception

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

- Anais Nin